Friday, 6 December 2013


Dating a single mom is a completely unique experience that can be both extremely difficult and extremely rewarding.

However, men need to know that relationships with single mothers are unlike anything you've experienced before.

You can't just use your usual game and expect it to work! Instead, use these tips to give your new relationship a fighting chance.

No matter what approach you take when dating a single mum, you need to make sure that you're honest and not playing any games.

Single mums will be able to spot and sniff a player a mile away, so just be sincere and upfront about your intentions.

She'll appreciate your honesty and might even grant you a first date. If you eventually meet her kid(s), you had better treat them the same way.

You can sugar coat things a little for younger kids, but at least show enough respect not to lie to them.

Expect a relationship with a single mom to move very slowly and have a lot of interruptions. She will have a lot of priorities in her life that come on line before you, so don't expect for her to drop everything for your sake.

Don't take this as an insult, and just learn to be flexible. If she wants you in her life, she will find a way to spend time with you. The crucial skills here are good communication, persistence, and plenty of patience.

Once you've started dating a single mom, you need to remember that you're still an outsider in the relationship.

Make sure not to overstep your boundaries at any point -- even if that means that things progress more slowly than you would like. Dating a single mom is not all about you, in fact, it's really not about you at all.

The woman is in control here, so let her make all the important moves and decisions. This doesn't mean that you can't discuss these issues, but the single mom ultimately makes the decisions.

Defining where the relationship is heading towards always happen at some point in the dating process, but single moms are likely to bust out this talk earlier than usual.

A single mom doesn't have time to mess around, and she needs to know if you're serious or not before investing her time or emotions.

This is a good time to be honest, because you'll regret lying when you're in way over your head a few months down the road. Yes, all men hate to have "the talk," but it's an important step you need to take.

Just because a single mom usually can't be bothered to spend much time on her makeup doesn't mean that she's given up on romance and sexy dress!!

Every woman still wants to be treated like a princess, so don't think you can get away with skipping the romantic stuff. If you're short on ideas, here are a few tried and tested favorites:

While romantic acts might make a woman attracted to you, being domestic will really seal the deal. Take some time to help her around the house, and she'll know that you're a keeper.

Simple things like taking out the garbage, vacuuming, or cooking meals are a big deal to a single mom. It will show that you're willing and ready to get tied down to a normal life.

Last and certainly not least, you need to develop a good relationship with a single mom's child. Her kids could eventually become your kids, and that's something you need to take seriously.

Take just as much time as you devote to the mom for the kids, and really get to know them. It's likely that the kids will reject you at first, but they'll come around if you manage to take an honest interest in their lives and hobbies.

Show that you can be a good dad without trying to replace their biological father.

Spending quality time with the kids will also net you big points with any single mom.

Good luck guys!!

Saturday, 24 August 2013


What is your calling in this life? Or to put it in a broader term, what are our perspectives in this life?

I was talking to my son last Saturday evening who is 15 years old and rather evolved for his age, and I asked him:

"Akeem, why do you think we are here?" and he said to me, "To wake up."

He proceeded to elaborate on that thought by saying:

"I think most people are asleep -- they don't know who they are. I think we need to wake up to who we are."

He then asked me, "Mum, why do you think we are here?"

I was shocked!! Considering his age and level of education. ( I thought this little guy is playing too much of alien video game)!!

I had no hesitation replying, "I think we are here to evolve and transform, and I think that everything that happens in our lives, and everything that doesn't happen is the journey to our transformation... I think fundamentally I totally agree with you, that we are here to wake up."

This conversation prompted this write up. What a boy! It's true that inspiration comes from where you least expected.

There is an underlying and maybe sometimes not so underlying question, which is in all of us:

What is the purpose of my life and what am I here to do?

Obviously, each one of us has to find our own unique and personal answer to these questions.

"How can I find my purpose?"

That's a question I get asked a lot from people who are successful to unemployed, happily married to single, etc. "I don't feel connected to a purpose," they say.

I like to think of our purpose as our individual calling. It does not have to do with our accomplishments or our resume; it is a deeper thing that connects us to our heart's pulse.

When we find it, it adds meaning to whatever we do and helps us feel the true sense of what success is.

Either way, when we connect to our heart's calling, everything starts to have meaning. So I have come up with five questions that as you the answer this can bring your calling closer to you.

What am I here to learn?

What am I here to teach?

What am I here to overcome?

What am I here to complete?

What am I here to express?

If you take a moment to answer these questions from an Authentic, truthful place, the answers may be very different from what you had Previously thought.

These questions are meant to break down self-imposed standards we have bound ourselves with.

The answers to these questions are ongoing and evolving. At different stages in our lives, we are here to teach and learn different things.

Nothing is set in stone. As you answer these questions, you may find that there is a blueprint that emerges that can guide you to what Calls you, and as you follow that thread you start to experience more of an Inner fulfillment.

Going through life knowing that we are all teachers, and we are all students, and we all have something to contribute, alleviates a sense of separation we often feel.

That knowing can bring a solace and comfort to the basic question:

"Why am I here?"

It helps us create a bigger arena where we can explore the dimensions of our lives. It adds tremendous creativity in our existence and makes us welcome the unknown instead of fearing it.
It also puts us in the driver's seat where we become the creator of our lives.

Seeing that everything that happens in our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly, becomes part of life's tapestry.

Our life's experiences are the alchemy that helps us transform and awaken to who we are.

My mother ( R. I . P ) used to say, "We are all born an original, and it is a challenge to stay an original in a world that tries to mould us to fit in."

Learning to become resourceful within myself was and is an extraordinary process, and the joy it brought me is invaluable.

So often when I feel stuck about something the question I ask is, "How can I create a desirable outcome?"

I return to the basics: "What do I need to overcome here?"

It always leads me to taking a positive action. Sometimes it's overcoming a misconception of inadequacy, or fearing to even try in case I don't achieve the outcome I was hoping for.

Overcoming that in itself creates a huge amount of space for all sorts of possibilities that you may not have even thought of to surface.

The mistake we make as human beings are how we attach ourselves and our well-being to external circumstances for validation.

The irony is that some of the greatest awakenings we often have been triggered after things don't work out.

I have often heard statements such as, "Breaking up with this person and going through my divorce led me to find myself and who I really was."

"Leaving the job that I thought was it, lead me to find out what I really wanted to do," etc.

I hope that these questions bring you a lightheartedness to what can be the serious quest for our life's purpose because they are meant to bring clarity.

I see these questions as a compass to our center, out of which we can enjoy our lives no matter what.

The funny thing is that I am writing this piece as I am sitting with my Husband having a glass of wine.

We were watching people in the park close to our house, walking about at a slow pace, licking ice creams, couples holding hands and kissing, children running around, men cruising and tons of people sitting on the pavement having and enjoying the brilliant weather, stress-free, enjoying life in the moment.

As I am witnessing these rich moments in others' lives, I can't help but think to myself that maybe the sixth and most important question is:

"Are you enjoying your life, my gorgeous reads??

If the answer is NO, ask yourself why not. If not now, when.

What's your life calling? Remember that life is too short and no one is getting out of it.... ALIVE!!

Thanks for reading

Saturday, 17 August 2013

SEX AND LOVE MAKING.....The Core Difference.

Show me any person that doesn't love sex and I will show you a lair.

We all love sex, any style, any place and anyhow and this is the reason why every article is engrossed with sex issues.

Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with sex: media, magazines, movies, billboards including Facebook.

It’s everywhere. Even Amore Love For Life is part of the phenomenon and that's why it's pertinent to address the core difference between sex and lovemaking.

Marketing and advertising use sex to sell everything from hamburgers, to underwear, to cars.

As we all know, Sex itself is an incredibly powerful energy that when not understood can be the source of much confusion and suffering between lovemaking.

The question now, based on yesterday euphoria is: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX AND LOVEMAKING???

Regular sex is simply about a release, or relieving yourself of stress. It’s the type that leaves you deeply unfulfilled.

Love making is the understanding that it is really the exchange of energy, your energies and your partner’s.

It’s alchemy that when engaged together in love can open and heal you, your mind, your body, your heart and your Soul.

Love making is an energetic exchange and sharing not just a means to release or satisfy the body.

Your body might be satisfied but, if the sex just remains on a purely physical level, it will be a fleeting high.

Real fulfillment cannot be found through the body alone. Pain and pleasure come and go.

The pleasure from sex that arises simply through the body is incredibly transitory.

Love making happens when you recognize who you are and who the other is. When you totally submit your body and your inner core without any hints of inhibitions and doubt to your partner.

First and foremost, we are Soul, not just a physical body. Then our lovemaking becomes the opportunity for our Soul through the vehicle of our body to dance, exchange, communicate, play and express loving as a gift to each other.

When you engage your beloved sexually with the fullness of love and you no longer see your partner as a separate self or simply as another body of flesh, a profound shift occurs within you and your lovemaking will deepen!!

Then the real exchange happens on the Soul level.

At the Soul level there is a sacred communion, the illusions of separation between you and the other drop away and you dissolve as ONE!!!

I really wonder if most of us are really making love to our partner at the level I'm trying to communicate!!

Believe me, I've only experienced it on a couple of occasions. We are so engrossed with the hassles and puzzles of this life that sex is only needed as a relief and all we do is only shagging with fast and the furious thrusting of dick!!

Back to lovemaking, As you realize that you are not the body, your partner is not the body, but you are Souls, you can allow each other’s body to serve as a temple becoming the portal into a deeper dimension of the Infinite.

What you then exchange with your partner through your bodies is Love energy itself. Then it becomes in the truest sense Lovemaking. You are both sharing the love that you are in that moment.

Love making which then can be regarded as a "soul sex" is the surrender of yourself, not just to your partner, but also to the Divine that is living alive within you and your partner.

So when sex transcends to lovemaking, something magical happens!!!!

Sex then, moves from needing something, trying to get something, or a game of power and control into a letting go of control.

It becomes about deep surrender to that which is living and breathing in us......... when we willingly surrender ourselves to the uncontrollable epic journey of blissful ecstasies!!

True love making happens the more you realize and embody that what you are is LOVE it.

When you make love, you let go. Then there is no you or other. There is only Now. There is only Freedom.

Perhaps this is why we are so obsessed with sex. Yet what we are really seeking is not simply a momentary release – but something far deeper.

We are searching for that which is formless and beyond pain or pleasure. We are ultimately seeking our true Self.

Sex then becomes no more a path to enlightenment, but the very manifestation of Enlightenment itself.

Your lovemaking becomes the expression of the true Light of who you are, manifesting itself as an offering through your body.


Give up all techniques, strategies and resistances to loving. Let go. Release. Relax. Trust. Dive in. Embrace.

Simply surrender.

When you surrender, there is no more you or another.

There is no more love, loved or loving.

What is in existence is PURE LOVE!!

Hope I'm not being carried away trying to excavate what is beyond the realm of my knowledge....a case of talking bullshit as we say it here in North London!!

Have a sensuous weekend.

Friday, 16 August 2013


The best love parents could give their married children is to release them with all their blessings and allow them to map their marital journey with all the intricacies that involves.

The course of true love never runs smoothly, especially if parents are involved (just ask Romeo and Juliet).

But even if your parents are quite the nicest, they can stir up plenty of drama in your marriage relationship.

There are ways they may be sabotaging your marriage -- even if their actions seem completely innocent.

Foremost is their intrusiveness: Just like on that old sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, your parents may feel a little too welcome in your marriage life.

If you have parents who show up uninvited, or who spend too much time with you, you might have too little time to be alone with your new partner and formulate your life as a couple.


Set some rules -- and fast. You need to clearly define your boundaries in regard to visits and time spent with parents. Once you and your mate agree on the rules, tell your parents that you love them, but they need to call before they come by -- or whatever other guidelines you need to set for the sake of your marriage.

They assume that you’re a mini-clone. You and your partner may share genes with your respective parents -- but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you plan to follow in their footsteps. Your parents may make assumptions that you two think the way that they do, and then get angry when you don't.


Tell your parents that you appreciate their viewpoints, but sometimes you need to go your own way. You need to learn how to communicate clearly with them so they won't bully you or cause you to be at odds with each other.

Your parents try to do everything for you. Your doting parents may simply want to shower you with everything they can -- from a new car to your next vacation (with them, of course).

This can seem good, especially if they help you with the down payment on your house, plot of land for your dream house, take care of your kids or bail you out of financial problems.

But you need to be careful that you don’t become too dependent on Mom’s help or accept gifts that come with strings attached.


Be very aware of the cost of parental help. If your parents seem to be engaging in a quid pro quo, where you’re forced to do their bidding in return for their generosity, tell them you won’t be accepting any more gifts -- and stick to it.

It may take you longer to save on your own for your house and you may be "holidaying in the local area" instead of heading for Exotic holiday abroad but you’ll be able to do it on your own terms.

They treat you like babies. You and your mate may be grown-up with mortgages and steady jobs -- but your parents may still see you as toddlers who need their constant supervision.


Assert your independence. You need to clearly tell them that you’re not their ‘baby’ anymore. Likely, this goes hand in hand with a gift giving, and you may need to put a stop to handouts from your parents to help assert your responsibility for your own life.

They bad-mouth your partner. You know that saying, "If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all?” Well, your parents apparently never heard that.


Explain that the snide comments upset you -- and firmly tell them to stop. Most parents don’t want to alienate their own child, and ‘calling them out’ will usually get them to stop.

If they continue, you need to show that you mean business. When your parent starts, simply say, ‘I’m not going to listen. I married him, and I’m happy. And if they continue, leave the room.

They criticise your lifestyle. Maybe they don’t like that you moved several hours away from home -- or how you spend your money. But either way, their constant criticism (especially if it starts to influence your opinion) can lead to friction in your marriage.


Stand by your choices -- and stand by your man. You must live your life your way. Don’t side with your parents against your spouse, and don’t carry their criticisms home to your spouse.

If you want to change something, work it out in an adult fashion with your spouse.

They make a mountain out of a molehill. You picked your sister-in-law’s wedding over the annual family reunion -- and now your parents don’t speak to you.


Gently remind your parents that you now have two families to consider when you’re making plans. They have to learn that you have a new family now, and you'll be connected, but not joined at the hip.

And hope that your parents realize that it’s not worth losing their son or daughter over something that silly.

Your parents set a bad example for you. Your thrice-divorced mom and his spendthrift parents aren’t exactly giving you much to emulate in the responsible-couple department.


You can’t fix your parents or the past -- so don’t try. Simply acknowledge their shortcomings and work hard to follow a less disastrous path.

Be careful that you don't pick up any of the older generation's bad habits!! Admit that your parents have problems and work together to keep their bad influence from affecting your immediate family. Do not play a saint game. Be respectful.

They don’t want to share. Your parents have been used to having you there for every birthday or holiday celebration -- and those old traditions may die hard.

They’ve never had to share their child before, and they may expect holidays and family celebrations to remain the same.”


Come up with a plan with your mate, and then break it to your family, gently. Assure your parents that you and your partner want them to be part of your life.

Explain to your parents that you understand how they feel. You might say, ‘I know you’re unhappy that we won’t be spending the holiday with you. Let’s arrange another time to celebrate.’

Your parents realize that you understand how they might be feeling, and that goes so much further than the blatant dismissal: ‘We’re spending the holiday with my in-laws.’”

They take you on a guilt trip. Parents are notoriously good at finding your weak spots -- and making you feel terrible if you don’t give in to their every bidding (which is sure to make your partner feel like their needs aren’t being considered).


Find a way to insulate your marriage from their guilt-producing behavior. You’re supposed to be primary to each other now, not to your parents. Don’t give in to the guilt trips.

They flout your rules for your kids. Remember those parents who wouldn’t let you have sugary cereal or watch TV?

They’re the same ones who now load your kids up with chocolates and let them stay up three hours past their bedtime.


Don’t fight with each other if your parents aren’t following the rules -- but lay down the law with your parents.

Limit your parents to short periods of time with your kids if they don’t follow your rules and schedules. You are the parents of your children, and you have a right to control how they’re treated.

They rub you the wrong way. Sometimes, your in-laws (or your parents) can create marital friction by simply existing.


Talk it out with your mate to see if you can sort out why your parents are a sore subject -- but if you can’t, it might be time to call in your Pastor/Imam. If the friction your parents or in-laws cause is subtle, and you don't understand why you're fighting, a marriage counsellor can help you sort it out.

Do not start a war of attrition with your parents because the Pyrrhic victory is usually costly.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, 14 July 2013


Love makes us wake up in the morning with a sense of purpose and a flow of creative ideas.

Love floods our nervous system with positive energy, making us far more attractive to prospective employers, clients, and creative partners.

Love fills us with a powerful charisma, enabling us to produce new ideas and new projects, even within circumstances that seem to be limited.

Love leads us to atone for our errors and clean up the mess when we've made mistakes. Love leads us to act with impeccability, integrity, and excellence.

Love leads us to serve, to forgive, and to hope. Those things are the opposite of a poverty consciousness; they're the stuff of spiritual wealth creation.

But after a few (or many) bad relationships, it's so easy to shut down, give up, and stop believing that the right person is out there for us.

Our hearts yearn to fall in love, but our minds insist it's not possible, and we enter into a tug-of-war with ourselves.

It's as if one part of us is screaming, "Yes! I deserve a great relationship!"

While another part insists, "I'll never find him or her."

When our beliefs contradict our desires, we experience an inner conflict that not only paralyses us, but can actually prevent us from recognizing the possibilities for love that exist all around us.

I sincerely believe that big Love is possible for any one at any age. It requires that you are willing to place some time, energy, intention and attention onto your love life.

And, that you learn to love yourself, to know and to trust that there is more than enough love in the world for everyone.

Take care of yourself and give love a chance to flow into your life. Remember the caterpillar that thought the world is coming to an end is our beautiful butterfly... the toast of every flower in our garden!!

Loving and wishing you every reader that seeks for soul mate your heartfelt desire in this holy month of Ramadan!!


Basics Tips To Make It Last Its Course.

Happy marriage relationship is a myth. A self deluded euphoria we all think and aspire to achieve but in reality it's nothing but a mirage.

I couldn't help but giggle when people asked me:

"What's the secret to my happy marriage and the secret strategy to achieve my marriage expectation"?

My answer?


I have no happy marriage. I only have a contented and tolerable marriage which can't be strategists.

Marriage is like the ocean and couples are the waves. We just have to go with the flows with an open mind and humility.

Some husbands and wives seeking to strengthen their marriages should not expect things to go well all the time.

Don’t expect your spouse to be perfect. Put away your awkward hopes, throw it away with your ego. Don't break your heart seeking for perfection in your spouse, instead strife for excellence.

Expect your spouse to change, but don’t expect to cause the change.

Don’t expect your spouse to know what you want unless you clearly say it.

My advice, based on personal experience can help smooth out bumps along the way of your marriage by helping to achieve realistic expectations in your marriage.

Every relationship has bumps, couples in long-term, "successful" marriages often say working together through troubles as a team actually made them stronger and intensified their sense of intimacy.

Having someone you can trust at your side during hard times makes the good times feel even better.
Your spouse isn’t perfect, and neither are you.

Perfection expectations is inevitably it leads to disappointment. More realistic goal is for husbands and wives to work, learn and grow together.

And with growth comes change. Expect your spouse to change and through but don’t expect to cause the change.

Trying to change your spouse rarely, if ever, succeeds. You date and court his reality, therefore be prepared to marry his reality.

Never had it in your mind that you can change your husband or clown him to your imaginary perfect and desirable husband. You love who you dated and courted, why trying to change him?

Instead, change your marriage by changing your behavior. And be sure to clearly communicate expectations. Expecting your spouse to be a mind reader will undermine your marriage.

If you want to be cuddled, receive cut flowers, have helped with the dishes, have more sex or have your spouse accompany you when you go somewhere, say so.

Spell it out in detail; don’t beat around the bush with clever hints or vague comments.

The solution to most expectation problems is simple:

Talk about them with your spouse. Decide which expectations make sense in your marriage and which don’t.

Keeping your expectations realistic and sharing them between you is a great step toward a healthy marriage.

These tips can help husbands and wives get onto the same page and grow in mutual understanding, leading to a stronger and "Tolerable" marriage...... or happy marriage if you wish to call it that!!

Thanks for reading and wishing you a compromising union!!

Thursday, 11 July 2013


My Yoruba heritage taughtt me that "Tia o ba sorawa nu, a ole rira wa he"... Meaning:

"If we know exactly where we’re going, exactly how to get there, and exactly what we’ll see along the way, we will never learn nothing"

The pot of gold and knowledge is inner peace, a deep calm before, during and after the storms of life.

It is the irrepressible optimism that rainbows follow rain, morning follows night and surprisingly beautiful new beginnings follow endings.

You can’t control the storm, but just as a rainbow’s beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It therefore goes without saying that your attitude is always in your control.

Deep as I think of this adage that I've heard several times, I still believe it has hidden meanings.... If you don't get lost, how can you ever find yourself?

Can any readers tell me what it entails because just like every proverbs, I believe this is pregnant with knowledge and wisdoms.

Good day all, hope you're all having a productive day.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013


Resolving conflict effectively is critical to save marriage AND to stop the divorce.

But how do you do it?

First and foremost, couples must determine whether the CONFLICT is solvable or irreconcilable. And at times that can be difficult to DO.

One way to identify solvable problems is that they seem less PAINFUL, gut-wrenching, or intense than perpetual, gridlocked ones.

Solvable problems are situational, and there’s no underlying CONFLICT, unlike in irreconcilable differences.

Every couple has irreconcilable differences with which they MUST make peace.

But for conflict that is solvable, the first step is to SOFTENS your start-up, which simply means starting the conversation without CRITISM or contempt.

The next step is exhibit action or statement that de-escalates TENSIONS.

Then soothe yourself and then your partner. When you feel YOURSELF getting heated during a conversation, let your partner know that YOU’RE overwhelmed and take a half an hour break.

That’s how long it takes for your body to calm down. Then YOU might try closing your eyes, taking slow, deep breaths, relaxing your MUSCLES and visualizing a calm place.

After you’ve calmed down, you might help soothe your PARTNER. Ask each other what’s more comforting and do that.

The above steps prime you and your spouse to compromise BECAUSE they create positivity. When conflicts arise, it’s important to take YOUR partner’s thoughts and feelings into consideration.

Both you and your spouse could make a list about yourself AND NONNEGOTIABLE points WITH all the list of what you can compromise on in your mind.

Share them with each other and look for common ground. Consider what you agree with, what your common goals and feelings are and how you can accomplish these GOALS.

But remember to be tolerant of each other’s faults. Be rest ASSURED that compromise is impossible until you can accept your partner’s flaws and get over the “EXCUSES” (You know the ones: “If only he was this” “If only she was that.”)

This is just my personal suggestions and guidelines on how Husbands and wives and partners can resolve conflict, while meeting others important needs.

The above tips encourage spouses listen to each other and to recognize the physical impacts the stress causes, while it provides guidance ON how spouses can show other during a conflict that — although at the moment they are disagreeing — underneath the disagreement lies a fundamental mutual RESPECTS

Learning this process will help you in your efforts to save MARRIAGES and stop divorce.

Like everything in life, prayer and positive attitude are of essence!

Take care of each other! Sending YOU ALL bouquet of love and hugs.